


Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself

by Mcmiyuki



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Anxiety, Bullies, Bullying, Depression, Dumb Jocks, Gay Character, Gay Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Gender Dysphoria, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, High School AU, Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Logan Needs A Hug, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Pansexual Character, Protective Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Punk Logan Sanders, Trans Character, Trans Logic | Logan Sanders, Transgender, british virgil sanders, dutch logan, hate slurs, patton roman and virgil are all soft boys towards logan, there's a lot of hate, transfer student
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 10:21:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20338555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mcmiyuki/pseuds/Mcmiyuki
Summary: Logan Jansen, a Dutch trans teenage boy is running from his problems. He joins a transfer project so he can live in America for a year while attending a highschool. By doing this he escapes his transphobic and abusive parents back in the Netherlands and he gets the chance to be his true self because the fact that he was born in a female body is a secret for everybody but himself . But what will happen if people start finding out about his secret? Or when the year is over and he needs to return home to his famile? Even tho America is starting to feel more and more like home and the people he met like family. What will happen then?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how this is gonna go.  
I have one chapter done, but I'm not that good at staying on track with schedules 😅
> 
> English is not my native language and I don't have someone to correct my poor grammar so I'm sorry about any mistakes you may find
> 
> These are just some insights on the characters btw.
> 
> Also I don't know anything about the American school system and it's very different than the one I'm used to, so I might mess up a bit on that part, but I'll try my best!
> 
> Hope you enjoy and all that

Characters  
Logan (deadname Ilse) Lelie Jansen  
15 years old  
FtM  
Born in the Netherlands.  
Native dutch speaker.  
Transfer student (stays at Patton’s place)  
Isn’t out at home but in America everybody knows him as Logan, a guy.  
Loves space.  
Used to wear black baggy clothing to hide his curves before he asked his best friend to buy him a binder.  
The black and baggy clothing stayed but became more punk with studs to protect himself from bullies and the general outside world.  
Best subjects: science and math  
Worst subjects: P.E. and home Economics  
Bullied for his punk looks and introvert behavior. Is an easy target.  
Pansexual  
Blond/brown hair with blue tips, icy blue eyes, pale skin, slim figure, tall, freckles  
Usually wears:  
glasses  
Black vest with studs on the shoulder, arms and hood.  
Dark grey ripped shirt  
Black ripped jeans with a lot of chains and pockets.  
Blue tie loosely hanging around his neck  
Black combats shoes  
Dark blue beanie  
Fingerless gloves  
Piercings and black lipstick  
Used the opportunity to transfer to be able to get away from his parents and figure himself out without them pressuring him to work harder instead of taking some time for himself.  
Has panic attacks caused by stress, a lack of sleep or crowded spaces 

Roman Angelino Salvador  
16 years old  
Spanish parents, doesn’t speak Spanish himself  
2 moms and an older sister  
He/him  
A flaming homosexual  
likes feminine stuff like make-up and skirts.  
Has lived his whole life in the same boring town.  
His biggest dream is to travel the world with his future partner.  
One of the more popular guys at school, sometimes people make fun of him for his clothing and make-up, but they usually back off when his best friend Virgil comes in between them.  
Best subject: art and music  
Worst subject: math and history  
Dyed red hair, brown/golden eyes, muscular, tall, tan skin.  
Usually wears:  
White wavy skirt that comes to his knees or skinny jeans.  
Red plain shirt that’s a little tight around his muscles.  
Fancy red 4 inch heels.  
Make-up: smoky eyes, blush, a lot of highlighter and of course, red popping lips.

Virgil Williams  
15 years old  
He him  
gay  
British  
Moved to America with his mom and his older brother after his father passed away 4 years ago  
Well known around the school because of all the fights he started with the school bullies for bullying his friends.  
Full blown emo  
Comes over as threatening, is actually a cinnamon roll (if you’re on his good side, that is)  
Anxiety disorder  
Used to be a target for bullies before he made a reputation for himself.  
Suffers from panic attacks  
Best subject: music and history  
Worst subject: math and P.E  
black hair that falls before his eyes a little, brown eyes under purple contacts, pale, small and slim.  
Usually wears:  
Black and purple oversized hoodie  
Black baggy jeans  
Grey worn out sneakers  
Fingerless gloves.  
Lip piercing  
Dragon lure earring  
Purple contacts

Patton James Heart  
16 years old  
They/them  
pansexual  
Little ball of sunshine  
Has a loving family, a mom, a dad and a little sister  
Likes to wear skirts but only does it on days roman is wearing one as well  
Knows roman their whole life because they’re neighbors  
To wholesome to be bullied  
Empathic  
Cares maybe a bit to much about their friends  
Dad friend  
Best subject: home economics and biology  
Worst subject: geography and math  
Light brown hair, soft blue eyes, tan skin, small, little chubby, freckles  
Usually wears:  
Big round glasses  
Baby blue shirt with a dog print  
Grey khaki pants/grey skirt  
Small black heels  
A lot of bracelets and earrings


	2. The transfer student

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW child abuse, brief panic attacks, bad parents, transphobia, homophobia I think... Just negative talking about lgbtq in general. It hurts to write but it's also kinda fun to hurt ma boy 😅 if I missed any warnings let me know

On a Monday, at 6 in the morning, somewhere in a peaceful neighborhood in beautiful Florida, next to a sleeping punk boy, an alarm went off and it was loud!  
With a groan Logan opened his eyes, shielding them immediately from the blinding light that slips past his curtains. God, how he hated mornings, especially while he’s still suffering from his 6 hour jet lag that he got by flying all the way from the Netherlands to America only three days ago.  
The people he needs to live with for the upcoming year are nice though. Maybe a bit to rainbow and sunshine, but it’s a nice change in comparison with his own home. His parents were always so strict and harsh. Never afraid to use brutal honesty. Only an ‘I love you’ when he proved worthy of it.  
Not the best family situation but he managed. The only thing that he really couldn’t handle was his name there and the pressure they put him under. Here in America he made sure that everyone knows him as Logan. He called Mrs. And Mr. heart beforehand to tell them that he wanted to be referred to as Logan with he/him pronounce. He even called the school, so the teacher were also told his name was Logan. The principal didn't didn’t even tell the teacher that he was trans, just so that they wouldn’t introduce him with the wrong name or discriminate him. Everyone had been really accepting so far although he knew that that would change when his schoolmates found out about the truth.  
It was a different story at home, his parents were transphobic. Not homophobic, atleast they think they're not. They think about gay people as if they are the cure to over population, but trans people, absolutely not.  
In they’re eyes being trans equals being confused, seeking attention or even being an abomination.  
All the times Logan watched the Amsterdam Canal Pride Parade on tv while his parents talked about how weird everybody looked and why they needed so many labels, because: 'isn’t it easier to keep it with just gay?'  
When he came out as pansexual at the age of 12 he swore to himself that he would never come out as trans to his parents.  
They’re reaction to him being pan wasn’t bad, at least not as bad as he had imagined. They just kind of looked at him, told him they were disappointed and later on just referred to him as gay. He really doesn't want to know how they would react to him being a trans man.  
After that they pushed him just a little more. Everything needed to be just a little better and that was eventually what pushed him over the edge.  
He had his first panic attack when he was 13 years old, he had stayed up the entire night to learn for a math test. During the test Logan could barely keep his eyes open and when he got it back, it said in big red numbers 5.4. He had failed. Logan had never failed a test before. What was he going to tell his parents, they would be so disappointed. His teacher had notice the change of emotions rather fast and lead him out of the classroom, practiced some breathing exercises with him and excused him from school for the rest of the day.  
When he told his parents about his grade, his mother slapped him across the face. They had never slapped him before. He had gotten harsh words and needed to go to bed without food every ones in a while but they never physically hurt him. His father pulled his mother away from Logan and yelled at her but he didn’t hear it. He fell to his knees and had his second panic attack in one day.  
So you understand that when his school came with the invitation to transfer to America for a year he immediately signed up. He needed the escape of his parents and the stress. Have the time to figure himself out and live in a different environment for a while. 

So that’s how he found himself here, laying in a strangers bed, in a house he doesn’t know, in a country he isn’t familiar with. But even though it felt so strange, it was the best he felt in years.  
"Logan, honey, your alarm went of 20 minutes ago are you alright?" 20 minutes? Godverdomme, no breakfast for him then. "Sorry Mrs. Heart, I'll be down in a minute" he could hear a sigh from the other end of the door and his thoughts went racing immediately. Did he iritate her? Did he do something wrong? What is she gonna do now? Yell at him? Tell him to pack his belongings? Does she think that he's lazy? "Logan, sweetheart, how many times do I have to tell you? Just call me Emily. I'm gonna make your lunch now, be down soon, okay?" A sigh of relief escaped Logan's lips "of cours Mrs.- sorry, Emily. I'll be down as soon as possible"  
Barely 5 minutes later Logan came stumbling down.  
His clothing was crumbled and his make-up a mess but it kind of matched the whole punk vibe so he didn't really care. Patton and their sister were already at the table fully clothed and eating sandwiches with something that looked like some kind of jelly. "Goodmorning Logan, do you want some toast with crofters as well?' Logan looked confused for a moment but connected the dots fast and guessed that crofters was the name of the jelly Patton and his sibling were eating. It looked rather tasteful. "I would love to try it Emily, but I'm afraid that I don't have the time if I want to get on the school bus, which if you asked me is a rather weird and not so practical system to get people to school". Emily smiled sweetly at him and opened her mouth to say something but her husband beat her to it. "Logan you don't really think that we are going to let you take the bus on your first day of school?" Logan looked at him dumbfounded. Why would they go through that kind of trouble for him "i- uhm- you really don't have to do that for me Mr- I mean David" his own parents would have never done that for him, why would they. It only brought trouble. "Well if you don't want us to do it for you, than we will do it for us, so we can take lots of pictures of our children and our borrowed son when they enter the school for the first time after summer break! And now sit and eat some holy jelly". without saying another word, Logan went and sat at the large table and took a bite out of the sandwich that was handed to him. His pupils widened at the delicious taste that filled his mouth. The jelly was perfectly balanced and it made his mouth water.  
"Dit is het letterlijkerste wat ik ooit heb gehad!" He didn't even notice that he was talking Dutch until Patton spoke up with a giggle "if you want us to understand you, you'll have to talk English kiddo" an embaressed blush spread across Logans face "oh yes, I'm sorry, what I said was 'this is the most delicious thing I have ever eaten!'" this turned Pattons giggle into a loud laugh. "I know right?! It's so amazing and- oh man is it that late already? We need to hurry now"  
When Logan looked at the clock it was indeed rather late. The three teenagers rushed to get there bags and jumped into David's car. Fortunately they arrived at time and Logan could make his way to the principals office without having to worry about being late at his first day.  
He knocked at the door and waited for a reaction before walking in. "Heya, you must be ils- sorry, Logan right? My name is Thomas Sanders, I'll be your principal for the upcoming year" Logan cringed at his deadname but he was thankful for the correction. "Yes, I'm Logan. It's nice to meet you mister Sanders but I am in a bit of a hurry. I'm here to get my timetable".  
" Yes of course, sorry" the principal looked through the papers on his desk for a while before picking one up and handing to Logan. "Here you go, bud. I will bring you to your first class. If you have any questions or need help, you can always come to me or the school counselor, okay?". With a nod of Logan's head they began to walk through the hallways of the giant building. It looked almost like a maze, which meant that he was probably gonna get lost once in a while. After walking for a few minutes, principal Sanders stopped in front of a classroom. The sounds that came trough the door let Logan know that there were a lot of people inside already. The last thought that ran trough his head before he stepped into the hurricane of noise was 'well here goes nothing'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit messy but I hope you liked it anyway
> 
> A 5.4 is like almost an E but still an F I think  
Godverdomme = God damnit


	3. The drama of a first day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warning necessary I think....

Sanders walked into the classroom first after letting Logan know that he could stay in the doorway until he was instructed otherwise.  
"Welcome to a new school year, children! I hope you had a wonderful vacation and that you're well rested so you can handle a whole new year of learning."  
A groan was heard from several students and to be honest, not one of them looked as if they had slept this summer.  
"Anyways" the principal continued" this year you will have a new student amongst you, Logan Lelie Jansen, a transfer student from the Netherlands. He will be following classes alongside of you and I trust you guys to treat him as one of your own. Patton, I heard you know him already so I trust you to guide him. Show him to his classes and explain the basics. Logan you can sit over there next to Virgil, the kid in black. I think you guys should be able to get along. Have a nice day y'all".  
And with that, Logan was left alone in a class filled with teenagers he didn't know.  
He moved to sit next to the emo, what was his name? Virgil or something like that, and gave a weak salute as an hello. Logan figured out fast enough that not one teacher was in the mood to actually teach on the first day of school, so they just had free time to talk for the most part. Which gave Logan some unwanted attention.  
"Yo Emo kid 2.0, the Netherlands huh? Let me guess, lives on a farm, rather stupid and high for the first time at the age of 10!" A kid wearing a jacket from one of the many school sportclubs yelled at him. Logan rolled his eyes and he knew he probably shouldn't react but he really couldn't help himself. "Are you talking to me, cause I'm punk not emo, there's a clear difference. Yes I'm from the Netherlands, no I don't live on a farm, I was born and raised in central Amsterdam. I have more braincells then you for sure and I was actually nine, but that was my parents foult. They thought that it would make me concentrate better or something". A slight smirk appeared on his face when he saw the expression of the jock change from cocky to dumbfounded. He knew he was gonna regret it but damn he liked it when he had the last word. When he turned back around he noticed the emo- Virgil watching him with a small grin. "What?" He said softly, his anxiety taking over again.  
"I like your attitude, dude" a light blush formed on Logan's face, why the hell did he blush so easily! "Tha- thanks I- I guess" and a stutter?! why did he stutter?! He never stuttered! Get a grip! He cleared his throat "sorry, Virgil was it? I like your outfit" this time it was Virgils turn to blush, the emo looked at the floor in an attempt to hide it. "Thank you, you don't look so bad yourself". Before Logan could react the bell rang.  
With a quick 'see you later', Virgil dissappeared in the crowd of students.  
And so the day went on. Patton showed him his classes and as it turned out, he shared a lot of classes with the happy teenager. He also saw the black clothed boy more often than not sitting in the back of the classroom. Logan found himself even hoping to see the emo every time he opened a door. Which was rather out of character for him. What was it with this Virgil kid that gave him a place in Logans mind so easily?  
He also learned that Pattons boyfriend Roman was a pain in the ass. Logan shared a few classes with him and my god that boy was dramatic! He was nice but just so out there.  
They were having lunch right now. Logan had asked Virgil to sit with them when he spotted the emo sitting by himself. So that's how he found himself here. Sitting by the lake next to the school grounds, surrounded by his, friends? Classmates? Fellow students? Ugh, why were social interactions always so complicated.  
In the meantime Patton was talking their ears off about how a dog had suddenly appeared on the p.e. fields and how cute it was, but that some mean people had come to take the dog away.  
Suddenly, Logan jerked up. His eyes widening. He had p.e. later this day. He totally forgot, so he didn't had a sports bra with him. Doings sports in his binder wasn't an option. He did that ones and never again. He was so screwed. "Patton, can I talk to you for a second?" He asked nervously. Patton new he was trans, they could probably help right? "Sure kiddo, what is it?" They stepped aside from the other two teens and Logan explained his situation. "Oh kiddo don't worry, my sister always has a pair in her locker for when she has p.e. it's maybe a little tight but I'm sure you can borrow it. I'll text her right away!". Logan let out a relieved sigh. "Thank you Patton. You're a savior". Patton chuckled a bit and shook their head "just doing what's right!".  
Sara, Pattons sister, had indeed a spair sports bra he could lent, so when she gave it to him he emediatly rushed to the restroom to change into it.  
He knew he was screwed the moment he took of his shirt in the lockerroom but at least this way he didn't have to show his bare chest while putting on the sports bra in front of his fellow students.  
The bell rung and a curse escaped Logan's lips. He was going to be late for P.E. It was only his first day, he couldn't be late to class already.  
He began to run. His bag filled with books slamming against his side in an uncomfortable manner.  
A door with 'boys locker room' on it appeared in his view and he rushed inside. The door squeaking when he opened it, which earned him some annoyed looks from the other boys. "Sorry" he mumbled quietly while walking to one of the corners to change in peace.  
The nice thing about being late is the fact that the room was less crowded. This meant less people to judge him when they saw his sports bra. That's how it worked right? Ha nope, less people apparently also meant less witnesses when you get assaulted. Something Logan will find out in three… two...one…  
"What the fuck is that Jansen?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There had to be some analogical, Couldn't help myself😅


	4. and the world turned black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW transphobia, violence, mention of blood!!!! Tell me if I missed anything!!!!!  
(mentions of P.E. class, huge trigger! 😜😅)  
this is short and rushed, but hey its a chapter so just nod and make a face of approval thank you :)

"What the fuck is that Jansen?!" The jock who had tried to insult Logan during his first lesson walked towards the punk, pointing at his sports bra with disgust on his face.  
"Are you a fucking tranny cuz if so, the girls locker room is next door"  
Logan opened his mouth to defend himself, but no sound came out. “what’s that? Cat got your tongue bitch? Oh I know what you were doing. You pretended to be a guy so you could sneak in and watch us change huh? Fucking slut”. A small group had already gathered to see what was going on. Some of them joined in with some nasty comments of their own and Logan tried to keep a straight face. They wanted a reaction and he wasn’t going to give them one, until… “what even is your real fucking name? I bet its something slutty like ‘Rebecka’ (sorry if your name is Rebecka, it’s a lovely name!) Logan could feel his body going stiff. His name was a very sensitive topic and one of the few things he was willing to fight for so he jumped to his feet and walked up to the guy who had dared to open his mouth. It was a relatively small guy compared to the others in the room, but it was clear to see that he regularly worked out. A black tank top fell tight around his many muscles but loose sweatpants hid the rest of his lower body. If he hadn’t been a complete ass just a minute ago Logan had probably find him attractive. “my name is Logan Lelie Jansen” he growled, his voice like daggers. “ I use He/Him pronounce and what’s in my pants or under my shirt is none of your fucking business!”. His voice was to high, to feminine, he fucking hated it. Luckily no one else seemed to focus on that as he looked around him. He saw the guy he had been talking to back away a little and he knew his words had taken at least some affected.  
The punk turned around in hope that he could finish changing into his outfit now, but of course things weren’t so easy. When he walked past the jock who started the whole drama a fist came out and collided with his face. He stumbled backwards and blinked in surprise. His head felt like someone was repeatedly stabbing it and he was sure his nose was bleeding as well. Logan tried to compose himself so he had maybe just a slight chance of defending himself, but of course he had no such luck. A second punch hit him right in the stomach which made him double over in pain and gasping for breath. A few other guys threw some punches and before he knew it, a foot came out to kick his legs away from under his body and he fell to the floor. His head hit the ground and the world turned black. 

Virgils pov  
The lesson had started 10 minutes ago and Virgil couldn’t stop worrying. He knew he had this class with Logan, so where the hell was the punk boy?  
Maybe he was sick? No they had lunch together only a few hours ago and he seemed fine then.  
He could have gotten lost trying to find the sports field? The school was big and Logan was new here so that could be it right? No wait the field is massive and you have to walk past it while going in to the school so he should know where it is. It could be because of-  
“Mr. Williams, are you having fun laying on the floor like that?” his coach said way to close to his ear for Virgil’s liking. A few snickers came from around him and while the emo tried to find out what was going on he remembered something: they had been doing sit ups! With all the worrying going on in his head he had completely forgotten what he was supposed to be doing. His face turned red and he stammered out an apology while quickly going back to doing the exercise. The repeating movement slowly taken over his thoughts pushing his worries to the back of his mind.  
The next 10 minutes went on in silence. The only sounds coming from the rapid breathing and the feedback their coach was giving them.  
Until… One of the nicer kids in Virgil’s class came rushing up the field towards the coach saying something about a fight in the locker room. When the boy was done talking he and their coach began running towards the boys locker room, the rest of the class following them curiously.  
The emo’s first thoughts were something along the lines of: oh my god there’s blood! Someone is unconscious! Wait he looks familiar… and FUCK THAT’S LOGAN!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like i said, short and rushed


End file.
